The FAT sister.....

              One thing I can honestly say is, God has blessed me with three beautiful younger sisters.  My sisters are my support system, my body guards, my everything. However, the most challenging thing about growing up with three younger beautiful sisters, is being the FAT older sister. Imagine having a childhood constantly hearing people ask your mother "What did you feed to her that you did not feed to the others?" Or "Why is she soo big and the others are not?" Or even "stop giving this girl food before she explodes". Some were meant to be funny, but literally when you're bigger then everyone else in a room, that joke isn't a joke anymore. The joke turns into a pain you have inside, a pain that hurts because you realize that you are different and by you being different you're not worthy. Your different is something the world cannot accept because it is not the norm, it is not what they can call beautiful.  But when it comes to acceptance, my sisters saw more in me than I ever saw in myself. They never thought of me as the FAT sister, they saw me, Anita, their oldest sister that cares for them immensely. They always always overlooked my size, they saw me, something I always yearn for others to see, something I wanted to see myself, me, beyond the size. Nevertheless, with this mindset I never wanted to take pictures with my sisters. The reason for this was because I assumed that the only thing people would noticed in those pictures was my size, and my size only. And imagine if people knew that the skinny girl in the picture was the sister of the fat girl, boy oh, boy oh.  And this was my mindset for many years.

Now remember that thing called fear I've been mentioning in recent posts? That fear I want to overcome by wearing certain clothing I would not wear before, or even doing things I would never do because of my size? Well yea, that came up again when I was asked to do a shoot with a friend. However, instead of doing the shoot with a friend;I decided to, you've guessed it, do one with one of my sisters, and it was a great choice. When I saw the pictures I could not believe it, I did not only see me, nor did I only see her but I saw us both, both beautiful women. I stared at the pictures and thought to myself how did I lose so many years from taking pictures with this beauty, all for my selfish reasons.  

Life is pretty funny. We lose out on so much because we cannot  seem to accept certain things about ourselves. We base our self worth on what the worlds deems to be acceptable. In my case,  I allowed my weight to keep me from doing something simple as taking a picture with my little sister!  Self acceptance is really important, as well as self love. Without those we tend to miss out on so many opportunities, such as beginning a new relationship, mending an old one, reaching for goals, and simply living and loving life. I end this post with a quote by Lucille Ball, from the show I love Lucy, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world".

Check out the pics with my lovely sister, Natasha! Comment and let me know what you think. You can find our pieces at RUE107.com. Thanks for stopping by and remember #LoveYOULiveNOW


Anita Matey6 Comments