25..We've Made it!!!!!
Today, July 8th is my 25th birthday, a day that I never thought would come to pass because of my past. A day I never thought I would live to see because of my weight.
Because of my fat.
Because of my body.
Imagine being severely sick finding out there was a tumor in your ovaries, and a doctor telling you the cause of this was your weight.
Imagine, after exams, surgeries, medication, finally, finally there were no tumors, your ovaries were well, so you thought, then you hear you might have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).
Imagine the doctor telling you that "If you do not stop eating McDonalds, you will continue to gain weight and die" even though McDonalds was the last thing you would ever eat.
Imagine crying every night praying to God asking why? "Why again is my weight making me sick when I do not eat junk food. PCOS? Because of this body you've cursed me with why?"
Imagine believing that you are healthy because you do not eat, you starve yourself everyday. Believing that if you stood away from food, then you were healthy.
Or believing that if you just ate that slice of pizza and made yourself vomit you would be fine.
Imagine killing yourself to exercise but ending up fainting from exercising without eating
Imagine watching your parents waste money on gym memberships, diet plans, nutritionists, because you told them for your birthday you wanted to lose weight.
Imagine yourself on July 8th, every year, praying that something would happen to you to make you disappear from this world.
A world you felt was cruel and a world you did not feel as though you belonged in because of your body.
Imagine because of the hate you have for yourself, you threw that hate on the people that cared about you the most.
Now imagine those dark moments, when you felt alone, and then dreamt that God told you that He loved you and He had a great plan for your life. That as many times as you tried to take your life way He would not allow it, because He has a plan greater than you could imagine.
Finally understanding that there is more to life than your size, your body.
And believing that all those times you thought you were being healthy by starving yourself you were not. Learning that starving yourself was actually making you gain weight.
Learning that when your body is always on starvation mode, it holds on to the fat it has, because it does not know when you will feed it again. This also decreases your metabolism, which makes it even harder to lose weight. And also understanding that eating and vomiting does not help you lose weight in a healthy manner neither.
Now realizing that your self hate affected relationships and friendships.
And accepting that self love was the only way to grow, and to live.
If it was not doctors telling me I would not live to see 25, it was me telling myself I would not live to see 25 because I just did not want to get that far in life.
But today, I've made it!
I've come to accept who I am and most importantly love who I am. I have come to understand that my body does not define my life no my destiny
I do that.
My body, nor doctors, have a right to tell me my life expectancy. I do. And I can choose to take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually.
I am at a point in my life in which I am the healthiest. Yes, I do not have high blood pressure, nor high sodium or cholesterol and right now PCOS does not exist in my life. I work out to maintain, not to prove to others I am healthy.
But most importantly, I am healthy mentally. And today I celebrate ME!!!!!!
I thank God of where He has brought me, and I also thank Him for giving me more days filled with smiles and laughter over powering the days and nights I cried.
Today is a day of celebration, laughter, joy, and for the first time in many years, a celebration of PEACE.
Photography credit: Erika Renee Henry, www.erikareneehenry.com