Forgiveness, The Best Gift Ever .......
I just wanted to say thank you so much for sticking with my this year! Today's blog post is very special to me, and I am elated to share it with you all as well.
As you may know today is my birthdayyyyyyyyyy!
And alllll year I’ve been praying and working on giving myself an amazing gift this year, Forgiveness. Forgiving others for myself, for my sanity, for my growth, and to allow myself to flourish and not allow the hate and anger to block my blessings.
I wanted to forgive the people whom I loved, who hurt me deeply. I wanted to forgive people who I never thought would turn their backs on me, ones that I thought were on my team. And the reason why I wanted to forgive those people was because I realized that I’ve been dealing with an unusual pain, a heart ache that just would not go away. And this pain stem from unforgivingness, a poison that polluted my spirit. This poison also allowed their presence to ruin my day, and even the mention of their names to turn my smile into a frown.
I simply didn’t like the power I was giving them just because I was hurt.......
That's when I reached the point that I knew it was time to pray. I simply did not want to feel this way anymore. Because I also realized that my anger towards those who hurt me was also blocking my relationship with God. It was hard to pray, because I was constantly mad or sad. I was constantly annoyed and was always in the “I hate everyone” mood. And honey, that mood is . not cool, it is simply annoying and not cute at all!!
So one day I literally got on my knees and prayed like never before. I cried out to God to heal my heart and allow it to forgive those who hurt me. I cried out to Him and told Him that I did not want the anger to block me from Him. Guys, that day I simply cried to my Father and asked Him for forgiveness as well. I asked Him to forgive me for being so stubborn and not letting things go. But this prayer was not just a one time prayer guys, it was my prayer point. And literally, July 6th, 2018 I had a conversation with someone I haven’t spoken to in months...
And it was the best conversation I had in years because all I said to him was sorry. He was confused, but I told him I was apologizing for being so angry at him, and allowing my anger to get in the way of us fixing our issues earlier. And he talked, and talked, and APOLOGIZED. But that wasn’t what really made me smile, it was what he said at the end of the conversation,
he said “Anita, thank you for listening”.
It hit me that my father and I haven’t had a conversation in two years, two years, while living in the same household.
And at that point my heart was happy. My prayer was indeed answered. The only way a conversation between him and I could happen was if I truly forgave him and myself.. it was hard.. but it was needed and for once in a long time I felt free.
I want to end this post with a quote from Alex Elle. She stated “learn to forgive, not for them, but for you. Only in forgiveness are you truly free”.