Plus..and Single.....

I've always had this mindset that  because I am plus size it is expected that I am suppose to be single. I mean, what do you expect from someone who has always been told “love will find you when you start to slim down”?

With that, I have always felt that I needed to be in a relationship. And looking back, I've always needed to have  a guy in my life, whether it was an actual relationship or a situationship.

But the existence of a man in my life, sadly, made me feel as though it validated my worth. I felt as though my relationship status, whether good or bad, would prove to others, and myself that I am worth something even though I am plus size.


But later, I've began to realize that a man's attention didn't even matter, especially if  that meant getting used, abused mentally, and emotionally.

What was the purpose of being in a relationship when ALL I ever did was spend nights crying and questioning my worth.  Waiting and hoping “my” man would change would have me ponder questions such as

... is patience for insensitivity worth it? When it comes to love, we are told to be patient, but what kind of patience is it if the feeling doesn't seem mutual? or are you being patient when in fact you're just settling? What about when you truly know he's not just that into you but you're still hoping he will change?

You're hoping if you do whatever he asks then maybe one day he'll love you? Is being patient worth it at that point? or is it even patience at this point?

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Everything mentioned are everything I would constantly think about. And now that I am actually single... I'm …good. I’m happy.

However my singleness brings forth a lot of lessons such as

“my size does not dictate my relationship status nor does it dictate who I am.”


Here are more lessons I’ve learned through dating and during my single season…..

1) a man, better yet no one should validate your worth.  You should never make anyone feel as though they have that power…..

2) There's no point in praying, fighting , or "patiently" waiting on someone who is okay with losing you

3) Being single is not a punishment nor does it mean you are not good enough. Once again your relationship status does not illustrate your worth.


Yes I am single, I am also plus size but  that doesn't take away from what makes me Anita.  For the first time, I am single and happy.  The happiest I have been even while being in a relationship and that says more than enough. 

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And I say all of this to say, take your time learn more about you, pray more, for yourself, your growth. But most importantly, don't let your singleness indicate who you are.



Plus, happy, single but yet still crazy Anita

Oh yes!! Click here for the dress!

Anita Matey1 Comment